Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Leonardo DiCaprio: sucks and is ugly.

ok so i'm thinking that leonardo dicaprio sucks:
"Hollywood heartthrob Leonardo DiCaprio is reportedly set to play a CIA agent tracking an Al Qaeda leader in the new movie 'Body Of Lies' directed by Ridley Scott. Leo will play a journalist-turned-CIA agent who has to locate a terrorist in Jordan, who is reportedly planning an attack on America. The film, which will dredge up memories of 9/11 when Al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden organized a terrorist attack on New York and Washington, is to shoot in Morocco later this year. "
seriously, i've seen him in this movie fourty-nine times before! how can he be one of the best and most respected 'new hollywood' hardhitters when it seems all he plays are CIA agents? CIA agents and like.. other government bad-asses and/or the badass but deep down goodie that's fighting the really bad badasses. whatever! maybe i should read his imdb resume to make sure, but i have a feeling it would just put me to sleep. to be real though, this post is all assumption based off of my (4 year stong! what? woah..) smoke weed everyday lifestyle and the accompanying shoddy memory that for some reason makes me believe the fact that every single movie leo has been in in the past 5 years, he has worn a suit and tie, and has had at least one chase scene on top of manhattan skyrises. but even if he wasn't the one wearing a suit and tie, at least five other big bad hollywood leading men were. (think 'the departed'). even if no one was wearing a suit and tie, well.. then i guess this is where he hones the craft of the boring, self-indulgent accents that he likes so much. its like, what's next? a dramatic turn as a powerful and corrupt Washington power broker who blackmails and exploits his way to Congress? woah thats so orig!! nah, he'll probably play the young innocent who is new to this crazy high stakes world yet somehow has the courage and determination (and dont forget the street smarts!!!) to stop the evil corporation from within, all while banging the boss' daughter and ultimately getting his son back. (thank god) its like as long as he can wear his hair slicked back, leo's down with the sickness. i mean, sure he works with the 'best' directors and actors, but does anyone really care about him? iiii don't think so! i can't think of any movie recently where matt damon or mark wahlberg couldn't have played his role and totes done a much better job at that. at least they seem to have a sense of humor, no? leo is so forgetable and i mean to top it all of, TO ADD THE ICING TO THE FUCKING CAKE, he's not even hot anymore! wasn't that his biggest selling point anyway? come on! boy is bust for real!

3 comments:

shakyhands said...

yo mommy

the html code you need is this

<.img src="picture url".>

remove the periods when posting the html to the blog and replace the text picture url with the actual picture address (dont remove the quotations).

love,
big papi

quirkyalone said...

i can't even formulate a response to this post quite yet because it was so amazing. gimme a day or two

also, you can just copy and paste pictures right into the blog. you don't need all that html shit

Ellie K said...

Nearly seven years later and... you're STILL correct! Leo is awful. I never liked that slicked back hair thing, with the cowlick that looks deliberate.

Did you see those pictures of Leo when he broke his ankle and was on crutches awhile ago? He drank a ton of beer and had a gut that hung out from the bottom of his t-shirt. His ankle healed up just fine, and the beer gut vanished with the crutches.

I laughed so hard at your description of him as a method actor-CIA agent. Maybe Leo or Matt Damon (I'm not crazy about him either, to be honest) could play Ed Snowden if they ever make a movie. With a big paste-on mole and chin whiskers, either could do it. If Al-Q or the Taliban had a sense of humor that they wanted to indulge, they could do a hilarious parody skit. And post it on YouTube. It might be a job for the Syrian Electronic Army ;) Maybe the CIA and NSA and Pirate Party and Anonymous could work on it too, with the RIAA and MPAA doing special effects. They would have fun and giggle a lot and be friends. Then they'd bend their swords into plow sheares. We'd get a nice break from strife and war, and everyone would be happy, at least for awhile, which is good enough for me. The End!